Wednesday, March 24, 2004

homesick & cheap Japanese circuits 

It's been an interesting two days off.

I've been doing this cleansing. I couldn't eat, but I could drink this concoction of maple syrup, pepper and lemon juice. I didn't last as long as I thought I would on this cleanse. I was supposed to go ten days; however, I only made it two days. I don't think that this cleanse was for me; mostly because it didn't make me feel really good. I guess I didn't really drink much of that drink. I did get pretty clean inside my body for those two days. I really flushed my system out.
It's tough not eating, because all you can think about is doing it. And, I really like to eat, is that such a crime?

I'm going to be twenty in 23 days. It's crazy! I won't be a teenager anymore. I know I've been experiencing this change already, but this makes it official. All my friends are not going to be teenagers anymore either. I really miss my friends. I've lost all of my guy friends here; they've all moved away to their respective places. I wonder if they'll all be in one place again, where I can go visit them and have the time of our lives again. Even if they did happen to be in the same place for a time again, it wouldn't be the same. I mean, so much is so different now. People don't get along anymore; everyone else has their own set of people that they've met and can hang out with now. Whereas, since I haven't moved away, I haven't acquire this yet. It's a sad state of affairs.

Home to me doesn't really feel like home. My house, I mean, I haven't been there is in so long. And when I do visit, it feels strange. It's like I have no home. I currently stay at my girlfriend's house, because of getting to work ease and I like being with her, which almost feels like home, but not fully. When I finally move away, to a place I can call my own, only then will it feel truly like home. When I finally move, there won't be any sad mushiness about leaving home, because I essentially already left it. I do miss my home. I do miss my friends. I do miss my family. I do miss my cat.

My portable CD player finally kicked the bucket last night. Well. It was slowly dying over the last two months, and I finally put it down last night. The buttons refused to do my bidding. I operated, but the opertation was unsuccessful. That CD player the greatest, most-used materialistic thing that I had. I took it everywhere I went. Those things just aren't build to last. This one lasted almost two years. I got it at near the start of my relationship with my girlfriend. Hopefully, we're more durable than cheap Japanese plastic and circuits.
I do miss my CD player

better years wait us...rustedhalo


Wednesday, March 17, 2004

It used to be about the music, man. 

When I was younger, let's say grade eleven and up, I used to give a damn about music. Well about purchasing music.

By that time, I was angry at my friends for downloading music and burning it. I used to be really really pissed at one particular friend who just got all of the smashing pumpkins albums in a very short time. What I believed then, and still believe mind you, that you shouldn't get a lot of music all at once, because you have to give each single album the attention it deserves in order to fully enjoy it. A lot of the time this person wouldn't even know what the music it was that I put on, even though it was downloaded and burned for them!

When I first get a CD, as I walk away from the CD store, I put it in the CD player and give it a quick listen; I let the songs play for about 30 to 50 seconds each, unless I find a song that I simply adore. Then I further that listening experience by listening to it, and only listen to it (that means sitting in a chair and only listening). I always found songs that I didn't like, but knew that I'd like later.
An example of this is a Ben Folds Five song from What Ever and Ever Amen
called "Steven's Last Night in Town," that I hated the beginning of, so I never ever listened to it, 'til one day. Now I always turn to it first!

Anyway, This person burned all their music. They even had CDs that weren't even released yet. I thought that was blasphemous. I still think that way today.

I used to tell this person and try to persuade them to stop, but it never worked. I still think that CDs should be purchased, and I think downloading music is a good way of finding out new artists (hey, I never would have found Bright Eyes if I hadn't downloaded a few songs). But Downloading entire albums is kind of ripping off the artists, UNLESS! You don't have the money to purchase it. And not having the money doesn't mean that your saving your money for beer drinking and/or pot smoking and/or gambling and/or other activity that you think you "NEED" to have. Having no money actually means no money to me.

Now, I don't really try to force my opinions on other people (with this being the exception, because it is MY creative output, but I'm not really nagging at you or forcing you to read this), I don't really even state my opinion on this matter any more, because to me, trying to spread your belief system is very similar to missionary work, which I highly despise. Why can't poorer nations have schools without promising away their souls? I hate missionaries, I hate people armed with bibles knocking at your door, saying your going to hell if you don't read their big opinionated book. The thing about the bible, which I'll only get into briefly, is that it wasn't written when Jesus was alive at all. The stories contained within are only opinions of what happened, hence, all of the racism and sexism. Yeah yeah so here I go again.

I don't force my opinion because I think it would by hypocritical of me. I'm not here to change the world, I'm just here to live in it, and try to have a good time while I'm living it. hmm.
better years await us...rustedhalo


Saturday, March 13, 2004



I think it's about time I started writing again. It's certainly been a very active week, both online and off, and I think it's high time that I start responding.

Firstly, What I really meant about my final posting was about what Mjoda had stated in her comments: about being scrutinized for liking a certaint thing. That's not to say that people can't be sad; that doesn't mean that there's no such thing as depression ( I know that this isn't only in the mind, for it is physical). There are good things in life, and when somebody finds that good thing, we should be happy for them. We shouldn't limit ourselves to one kind of response and one kind of character.

Depression and Sadness isn't a choice, but choosing when to vent your sadness or anger at the right time is. Because someone likes to do something a certain way doesn't mean that they are subject to ridicule by the rest of the friends.

"Friends are the DNA of society. They are the basic building blocks of life. If you have a couple of good ones, treasure them like gold. There's nothing better...Your friends help you carry the big weight in life. That big burden we've all got called, "What the hell am I doing?"' -Jerry Seinfeld

Friends shouldn't ridicule you for liking something that's just plain fun. It may be mindless, but it's fun.
It's like if we all went to Harvard or some pompous school, and I did something crazy and/or stupid, but I liked it a lot, and kept on doing it, my friends wouldn't shun me, they'd defend or even do it with me. Otherwise they are the same as the rest. Not friends that's for sure.

I saw a Spongebob Squarepants episode where Spongebob had acquired a box because he bought a new TV or something. He didn't care about the t.v. he just gave it to squidworth, and he and patrick had the time of their lives with the box. Simplicity is sometimes the best way to be.

Anyway, on a lighter note- I'm gonna get a raise and plus, I discovered that I get tip-outs at work! that could mean an extra 300 dollars at the end of the week. so that's a good thing.

I must get ready for work. March break is coming! I'll try to write more often. I'll try. Thanks to everyone who wrote in comments. They mean a lot to me especially because you readers actually take the time to read and leave a comment. Thanks!
better years await us...rustedhalo


Friday, March 05, 2004

Is terrible in fashion? 

Why is it so necessary for some people to be miserable? It's so bizarre. In a lot of cases, if someone sees someone who is ultra miserable, they automatically associate their miserableness with ultra-deepness, or very high intelligence. I guess it's as the saying goes: Ignorance is bliss. It is possible to be happy and be intelligent as well?

I was talking to my girlfriend this evening about this topic. It seemed to root itself into music, or at least it's very obvious there. It seems that if the music isn't ultra-deep it's not worth a listen to. What ever happened to listening to what you like? It may seem hypocrictical of myself for writing on this topic because of my actions and behavior in the past, but I certainly have changed since then.

But even before, I listened to music that was very somber and 'deep' but I also bought so called shallow records such as Default and fuck! One of my favourite songs as of late is "Jump Around" by House of Pain! It's not because the lyrics are ultra deep, it's not because the music's full of soul and is artful, it's because it makes me feel really happy, and I love that song. Nick Hornby, author of High Fidelity, wrote that music doesn't have to be ultra deep, it doesn't have to have the most amazing music. It just has to touch your heart, and if you enjoy it, you should fucking listen to it!

Some of my ultra poppy records that I currently enjoy the hell out of:
Reel Big Fish: All of 'em (I even went to their concert! it was awesome!)
No Doubt: Tragic Kingdom
Default: can't think of the title
Outkast: speakerboxxx
Blink 182: self titled
Green Day: all of 'em
Matt Good Band: All of 'em

These are only a handful of really once popular records that still get that, play-until-you-wear-it-out, attention from me. There is still tons more that I like!
Take Avril Lavigne or however the hell you spell it. When her first single came out, I downloaded it, because I liked it! I thought it was a great song. I didn't give a fine rat's ass if she was ultra huge or not, I listened to it because I liked it, you know? Why do you have to like some guy who moans about how horrible his life is and say he's ultra deep. It's like how most poets write about how fucked up the world is.

it's so bizarre how existentialism is so ultra-deep because nothing really matters and life is pointless, so let's all fucking moan about it until we die. Who really is the smarter one? The one who moans about life? Or the one that enjoys the time they have? I'm sick of being depressed because of that is what's in, what's in fashion, what everyone is doing these days. Life isn't terrible!

better years await us...rustedhalo


This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?