Tuesday, November 23, 2004

i like to watch people on the bus part 1 

Holy Hell!

It's been a long time since i last wrote, and i bet that people who came here occasionally to read what i had written, will never come here again. I'm sorry for not writing in a long time. A time has just passed where i was a sad bastard. Sad because i miss my home, sad because i miss my friends, sad (and surprisingly) because i missed ESM. Well, things have changed. Money used to get me down, but now that my hours have picked up, and i'm making enough money to pay the bills. And with my new found credit card, i can not worry at all about bills. Unless of course i take the horrible and stupid course of action and max out the dumb card.

I'm an also starting to learn not to take shit from people. i used to be so unassertive, that people could just walk all over me. which was a pain in the ass for many reasons. However, that is all changing. And on days where i feel much like crap, i just play very inspiring music, like rilo keily's "a better son/daughter." or modest mouse's "float on." both of which and much more can lift my spirits.

I think it was my friends brother, who told me this, but he told me something that i will stick by until i draw my last breath. He told me that it doesn't matter if your ship has been boarded, it doesn't matter that there are twenty against one. You have to go out there and take them on. Sure you'll get slaughtered, but you have to do it. "if there is nothing left to die for, then you and me, we'll go out going all the way." -matt good. Sure, my situation isn't quite as drastic as the ones assumed in these scenarios, but it can be realitve. These are the cards that are dealt to me, and it's up to me to play them accordingly.

I'm unclear to whether or not i believe in fate. I mean it's hard to believe that my destiny is already written out for me, and that nothing i can do will alter its progress. But it's hard to believe the latter either. There are a great deal of occurances in this world that happen and i can't really be coincidence. I guess you could describe my view of the world as one of those pick your own adventure book you know. It gives a certain amount of freedom, but you are limited as with life, you know?

I like to watch people on the bus.
more on that later.
better years await us...rustedhalo


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