Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Times like these. 

The time of change is upon us again. This change has brought on a new wave of stress as well as we all scramble to find new homes and bid farewell to our old ones whether we like it or not.

This has been a turmulous summer. the blazing heat has made everyone a bit on edge i guess.

As of late i have not been the best friend or son. I think it's due to mostly being indecisive. And i think i've offended some people whom i respect and i didn't mean to do so. And for that i'm terribly sorry. I hope you guys read this. I hope you aren't too upset with me.

Last night i was asked a question. This question was one that i had to think about for a few minutes and i had to answer with caution. "If you could wake up tomorrow in a different lifestyle, what would it be like?"

The company that i shared both wanted fame, fortune and power (in a sense) I didn't want any of that. I was quite modest in that respect. the gang that i was with wanted to wake up super rich and famous. I on the other hand didn't want to be super famous. i just wanted enough money to live comfortably I didn't want to be so rich that i didn't need to work. i mean. i would have to have enough money so that i could be doing something that makes me happy. like photography or writing or something else. I think it would be quite boring to not have to work. i mean what would i do all day?

As for the fame thing... there isn't a single bone in my body that would want fame. not one. I'm not here to change the world; i just want to live in it comfortably. i want a house... one that is perferably almost self sufficent. Solar panels, well water, septic tank, garden, maybe a small creek in the back yard. not a big house either. lots of windows. a wood stove. mismatched furniture. art on the walls from various artists and friends... something like that. A vehical that is more practical than show (as long as it has a good sound system).

anyway i didn't say all this... I added that i didn't want to be rich. they questioned that.
why settle for that ? when you can have more?
because I don't need all of that. Also, what i dream of is more obtainable, i think.

I'm not saying that my way is the best way, because in no way i am not. I also don't think myself better because i can make do with less, nor do i think that other people are greedy for wanting more. I'm just saying that is what is best for me you know? everyone is different. These dreams of fame and fortune are not out of their grasps, anything is possible in this world. i mean look bush got elected again somehow...even though everyone hated him during his first term.
Do what makes you happy with the time we have. Fuck 'em if they say otherwise!
I'm going to write, even if i can't spell or if it's shitty, i'm going to paint even if it looks horrible, i'm going to sing because that's what makes me happy.
better years await us...rustedhalo


Tuesday, July 05, 2005

another bout of homesickness 

Canada day weekend was great. I got to see people who i wanted to see for the longest time now. I got some alone time... which is good because as of late i have been around people and haven't really had time to myself. And it was nice to spend time with my parents (of whom i haven't seen or spent time with, in quite some time).

However, When it came time to come back to the city, to my 'home' i was trampled by a wave of homesickness. It seems as though when i am in oakville for a long time... i tend to forget how much i enjoy huntsville and all its dull glory. I rather adore living there and i do plan to move back when the time is ripe and my academics are all completed.

It seems that whenever it comes time to leave huntsville, i am always plagued by the urge to say screw it all and just not take the transit back to oakville. Just to quit my job and live full time in the town i love. I recently read an article about a friend of mine, written by a friend of mine, which described this person who 'gravitated' back to huntsville no matter how many times he left. everytime i try to leave this place i get really homesick. I dread the ride back, i dread getting up in the morning to go to work. I dread mowing lawns of rich people who don't do it themselves when i have a lawn in huntsville that needs mowing itself. ugh...enough of that.

two interesting things came up whist i was in Timmins. the first one was distressing. My chest has been hurting for about a week now and i've been worried about it for a while. So while i was in Timmins, i went to the hospital and got it checked out. It turned out i pulled a muscle in my chest and need to take an anti-inflamitory for it. whether or not that's what it was remains to be seen. However, i'm not completely satistified that this is what it is. I guess if it doesn't get better i shall get a second opinion.

Secondly, While i was visiting my great uncle in the extended care place, there was this woman there who was a year older than my mother. However this woman looked and acted much older than her. She talked much slower and with more slurs similar to someone who is drunk. I found out that this woman was an alcoholic for many years of her life and now she ended up in there because of it. ... i just thought that it was interesting.

In my spare time i find that there is so much that i want to accomplish. However, when i actually get some spare time i find that these things don't get done. I find that i end up doing different things or just end up watching a movie or going on the computer. i need to find a way to figure out how to get these things done. ...
anyway it's getting late and the dread of work tomorrow is mounting itself upon my shoulders. I'll try and update this site a little more. I also have an msn spaces site, which hold my photographs. which i don't know the address yet. so i'll keep you posted on that. So i'll write a bit more often as part of my "abolish procrastination and make the laze extinct campaign" Take care.
better years await us...rustedhalo


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