Friday, February 06, 2004
Turmoil, havoc, anguish and a dash of angst.
i've been really philosophical as of late.
it's really been due to a number of events in my life; events that have literally shook the very foundations of my once stable society. The quakes seem to come in packs like starving dogs. My mental stability really cracked when my long-time furry friend chino died on January the twenty-fifth, two thousand-four.
It's really strange. i used to think to myself when ever i heard of someone losing someone who was dear to them that you know, they had a good life, a warm home, a full belly and a loving family to belong to, but you totally disregard all of those thoughts when you experience death so close.
I was shocked to see myself going through the stages of death. I never really thought that the human mind worked like that. As each stage passed and another one came around the bend, i was with full realization of what was happening to me and how i may react next.
i am also greatly affected by the conflict that is going on between life-long partners. These two friends were just that: great friends. They always hung out together, had their own specific ways of doing things, and they both did almost everything together. It wasn't until recently that these two have been drifting apart for reasons i cannot tell you why.
i mean what do you do when you see a bond that was stronger than any married couple, stronger than a pack of charging horses and hell, a bond that was even stronger than super glue break apart? It's like the fucking roman empire being split into two.
I'd like to use this opportunity to say that i love both parties equally, and it hurts me to see them in such turmoil.
i want to do something, but i don't know what. I'm helpless.
i've also decided a while back to not go to college this year. This decision was brought upon my experience in the field of photography. I'm not where i want to be in terms of skill. i've been trying to improve myself by reading various books and trying out different things, but I'm just not confident in my skills. Perhaps it's a psychological problem or maybe I'm afraid of failure.
ugh. This entire entry is full of woe. Though it may not seem like it, i am quite happy, but recent events have me playing the blues for a time yet. I'll write a lot better when this stuff is resolved or something of that sort.
and so i end another broadcast day.
better years await us.
rustedhalo
p.s. i promise to write more frequently.
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it's really been due to a number of events in my life; events that have literally shook the very foundations of my once stable society. The quakes seem to come in packs like starving dogs. My mental stability really cracked when my long-time furry friend chino died on January the twenty-fifth, two thousand-four.
It's really strange. i used to think to myself when ever i heard of someone losing someone who was dear to them that you know, they had a good life, a warm home, a full belly and a loving family to belong to, but you totally disregard all of those thoughts when you experience death so close.
I was shocked to see myself going through the stages of death. I never really thought that the human mind worked like that. As each stage passed and another one came around the bend, i was with full realization of what was happening to me and how i may react next.
i am also greatly affected by the conflict that is going on between life-long partners. These two friends were just that: great friends. They always hung out together, had their own specific ways of doing things, and they both did almost everything together. It wasn't until recently that these two have been drifting apart for reasons i cannot tell you why.
i mean what do you do when you see a bond that was stronger than any married couple, stronger than a pack of charging horses and hell, a bond that was even stronger than super glue break apart? It's like the fucking roman empire being split into two.
I'd like to use this opportunity to say that i love both parties equally, and it hurts me to see them in such turmoil.
i want to do something, but i don't know what. I'm helpless.
i've also decided a while back to not go to college this year. This decision was brought upon my experience in the field of photography. I'm not where i want to be in terms of skill. i've been trying to improve myself by reading various books and trying out different things, but I'm just not confident in my skills. Perhaps it's a psychological problem or maybe I'm afraid of failure.
ugh. This entire entry is full of woe. Though it may not seem like it, i am quite happy, but recent events have me playing the blues for a time yet. I'll write a lot better when this stuff is resolved or something of that sort.
and so i end another broadcast day.
better years await us.
rustedhalo
p.s. i promise to write more frequently.
